Expectations....... never!!!!!!!

Last few days have been very confusing…. So many things at a time… I’ve heard about this once…a time when you feel nothing is going your way and you can’t blve it coz everything you were asking for was so common and obvious to expect….why do we feel cheated ..just because things didn’t went the way we wanted them to be…we expected something which unexpectedly ddnt happened… or just because people chose this time to leave when we were expecting them to stay….or because people took you for granted… n u expected them to atleast respect the relation. . but if we start thinking about all that happened and had happened in the past, there was noone to be blamed but ourself…. And our expectations… we carried these set of supposedly accepted expectations with us and attached them to people around us…we identify people not for what they are but the behavior we expect from them in different situations. But then one argument is that having expectations and setting expectations is quite human and is important too. I say yes it is but equally important is to communicate them. You have some expectations from a relationship and you measure your relationship with that person on those parameters, but does the other person know what is expected out of him. People are different and so are the level and intensity of such expectations. You are the judge for your expectations but does the person know what you are expecting from him?? For any relation to survive, the clarity of expectations is what is required. And if one talks about rational expectancy theory or implied expectations of a relation then, my friend, others are not as smart as you are. And you needs to understand that. Expectations are and should always be there in a relation but…..someone has very well said……I do my things and you do yours. I am not in this world to live upto your expectations, and you are not in this world to live upto mine. You are you and I am I. We met, had a relation and had some expectations from each other, if those expectations are clear, justified and we are ready to accept those, everything is gonna be beautiful. If not it can’t be helped and we need to move on. We just can’t keep thinking about the past and keep feeling cynical about everything we do later.

sometimes when destiny decides to play some games, it always plays shit. And it’ll make sure that you are down on your knees once it decides to play with you. It’ll make your head go blank and heart full.. n whats more painful is that you have to keep smiling and behave like nothing has happened. The cruelty of destiny is that when you’ll feel its over, it’ll hit you exactly where it pains you the most. And that moment, becomes a moment of resurrection. To come over all the pain, and make sure that you never give a chance to destiny to hit you like that, needs a reincarnation. And those moments are the flashes which change you forever. To leave all the expectations and anticipations behind, to get rid of all the hopes and contentment n start all over again. And that’s what human race is all about. to fall and rise again…getting hit and still managing to stand tall…to have the courage to face the destiny eye to eye even when it feels that it has given the knock out punch… yes phoenix will rise again..... Is not about how hard you can hit it, its all about how hard you can get hit and still keep walking.

Guess that’s the story with most of the guys in school/college…what sounds so funny now was so true at that time… there’s nothing to relate now… but this made me think of those days… wat went wrong… Now she’s gone I don’t know why, And til this day, sometime I cry. She ddnt even said goodbye, She ddn’t even took some time to lie.

When we two parted...

just can't say anything.....only thing that comes to my mind today is a poem by Lord Byron...

When we two are parted

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted,
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning
Sank chill on my brow
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame:
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o'er me
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well:
Long, long shall I rue thee
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met In silence I grieve
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?

With silence and tears.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son

so close ...so far...

When we talk about achieving something, something we had been striving for long, something which you feel would be changing a lot of things in your life, the most painful thing is when it comes tantalizingly close to you and just when you thought it’s in your grip, it eludes you. There are many things which we want to achieve but there is nothing we can do about it except putting in your best and waiting for the lady luck smiles on you. A roman philosopher had said that LUCK is the moment where preparation meets opportunity. But what in the case where you are desperately looking for something and an opportunity knocks too. It is the time to check, is this the one you were looking for? Because this could very well be a perfect example of human err at the time when he had to choose between, a short-lived breeze of success or continue the wait. And that’s when human urge to achieve something, to get a sense of achievement guides him emotionally towards a different path altogether. I’ve made a decision today. It came and I felt as if was the one I was waiting for a long time. But then was this the one I was aiming for? I ask myself and the answer was “No”. It could have been a new beginning and who knows I might have thrived in this too. But then it would have been an absolute deviation from the path I want to follow. You can change your path to reach at the destination but destination can’t be changed if the accomplishing it is hard-hitting. To quote Seneca again: "Many things have fallen only to rise higher”.

Rediscovering myself...

Nearing to the end of another year and with colleagues making most of the left over leaves for the year, I was finding myself succumbing to a sense of ennui. Was sitting and thinking “what am I doing? How much time I am giving to myself? How can a mind that was always wanting to climb the mountains and run in the wild be trapped in these glass walls, which are showing the world to me but are not letting me break free. What am I doing spending the weekends, tearing my eardrums with loud music, dancing like mad, with a mind under the influence of the so called “magic liquid”. Things could have gone that ways forever but someone who was trapped inside somewhere and whose cry was always suppressed by the loud music gave a last bellow. And yes I heard it. The love of nature & the pursuit of the unknown have eternally drawn man to shed the comfort and security of this home to venture beyond the blue ranges on the horizon and to discover new valleys, forests, rivers and high mountains. And it was a call for me now.

Some credit goes to my dear friend Khansli also. Khans as we call him has always been my alterego. And this time too when I realized it’s time to pack the bags and explore the places I always wanted to, Khans was the first one who got a call of my awakening. And as soon as i told him what i wanted to do he, as always, was ready.

They say that if you really want to get a feel of the earth; if you really want to walk through the forests and feel the breeze on your face; trudge through unspoilt territory and explore for yourself- go trekking. And how true they are… those mountains look so colossal, standing tall, like a challenger. Those trees and their curling branches were waving as if they were waiting for us to come. Passing through the mountains, we were like kids.. holding wooden swords and showing our skills on the small leaves and plants… we were feeling like roaming in OUR territory.

The quest of mountain lover is for the freedom of the hills. With every new step ahead I was again falling in love. How I could have compromised all this for parties where half the people are not even aware of what they are doing.

I’ve made my decision…. This is where I was born and this is what my heart beats for…..

Your son is back mother nature